Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
