I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
