My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
