It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize