He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize