just come out here and I will go home with you...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Randomize
