Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
