I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
