so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
