I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
