Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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