new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize