My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
