First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
