I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Still dying that you shit outside
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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