I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
