Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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