did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
