yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
