Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize