absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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