Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
