Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
