i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
me + whiskey = a bad person
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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