He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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