Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
