You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize