so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
not ubering you a puppy
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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