and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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