Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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