I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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