Say something about gay babies.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
