Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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