Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize