i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
