Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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