She went from zero to smokin in five shots
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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