I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
