Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
