MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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