just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
