Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
