Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
