Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
