You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
