my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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