I must be too annoying 4 u.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
