Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
