I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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