Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
