porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
