SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
