i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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