Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
