girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
