so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
