i think my mom watched the whole time
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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