Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
