I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
