He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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