I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
