I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
