sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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