no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
