Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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