Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
