he wants to bone in the snuggie
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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