we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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