Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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